Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Im back to blog since 4mths back.
I have finally put aside the happy, painful, tearful memories of the double D's which I clinged on for a very long time.
Which I'm happy, I have done it.
Away with one, came another one.
A special one, indeed.
Cant be possibly flooding all GFs of mine with continuously with this guy who stolen my heart, up till now.
So im back to blog all feelings for this particular guy and is gonna be deeper compared to the Double D's.
Every trace of my feelings n love, hopefully, will end as the time frame I set for myself thou I knew he will never be back, no matter what Im going to do.
For this healing period, I'm going to name it as The Regrets ; I&D
Literally, this love wasnt even suppose to start.
But still, it started just like a spark in a club on a Fri night.
When I had given it my all, When i could just give up all, he failed to see it.
When I have to cry and asked, in what ways didnt I done enough towards him or this love.
When I have to hold back all tears for all wrongs he done, and left eventually.
It just wasnt suppose to happen like this.
Gullible me, believed every word you said.
I gave up.
U came back, asking for another chance.
N while the period b4 you were back,
When I was still healing myself, blaming myself for nt doing enough.
Theres this ideal man came abt.
In btw you n him, I hold on.
Hold on till a point of time,
I had alr forgotten who am I timer-ing.
Till the very last scenario of a opera drama...
Everything was exposed.
I lost it all, in a night.
It was then, I realised, who i reali love.
But everything was too late to amend all scars I inflicted to U, Him and myself.
Memories came flooding by.
My lies, my selfishness indulged me into making such mistake in losing you.
After all and all that ever happened,
I knew wheres my mistake.
I Wasnt so determined b4 that I wanna change, at least this is for you.
I plucked up the very first courage to send you a regard msg at the wee hours.
The next day, 071209
Happy 3rd month.
We msg-ed.
The feeling was so close yet so far.
The next day,
Misses was so so so overwhleming that I msg-ed you.
I walked back the route towards your hse.
2 weeks since I ever walked.
I sat at the place when we both could chat till 2am plus.
U came down.
I saw you.
The charismatic you when I spotted you in REBEL.
We talked it thru, cleared it all.
It seems like a breakthrough for me that at least, in future I wont be facing down on e ground if i were to bump to u in streets.
Player played player.
Thats e definition, isnt it?
It blurs me that your heart is open to forgive and nt revenge.
Again, is you who sent me home.
1st time, your tears dropped.
It flowed down to ur cheeks.
It breaks my heart.
Last wed.
With so much facts thgat i couldnt accept,
I done smth which is way out from myself.
I lost myself.
I became so irrational.
I lost you, again.
Sat afternoon,
I done it all i could.
My heart longs for another chance that despite with asthma relaspe,
I still chased you all the way from Outram to Chinatown point.
Never once i let my heart out like this and dashed across roads.
Finally you spoken.
U said you will give me this chance and you to forget this incident.
An incident that I lost myself irrationally, which u failed to take it into consideration.
Your back, still against me.
So much so much you have said.
SO much so much I have asked you back.
Your stand is firm.
And, my stand is firm too.
Is my heart that I have to account to.
You have forced your heart to forget all we had gone thru.
3rd mth present is still with me.
I will keep doin till my heart left.
You must have a gd time with all ladies you have now.
I learnt to love my lover.
And not seperate a lover n a provider.
I leanrt to be truthful till e very end and nt lied.
I learnt that...
I still loves you despite all that had happened.
SOmetime it takes more courage to let go than to hold on.
Is just a 2mth++ relationship.
But im giving myself 6mths.
You will get attached soon tgt with your gf to celebrate Christmas.
Whenever I hear news about you,
My heart still aches.
Very badly.
YCK, NYP, AMK...
How to forget?
If your love can be so eaisly transferred to another girl in such a short time,
What more can I do other than ranting all emotions here?
You're still the greatest love that I ever met after DOuble D's.
Wont delete the videos I recorded.
Wont delete pics we took tgt.
WILL NEVER TAKE YOU OUT OF MY HEART.
Still misses you.
Very deeply.
I LOVE YOU.
